a maze

There is never any truthful answers for me anymore...I just go with the flow a lot these days. i have a strong feeling this shit is going to get old and I'm going to want to settle down. I keep saying I'm having fun but what do I really want?I just can't ever seem to have the answer to that anymore.

I need a get away...for the rest of the summer would be nice.either to ATL or NY i'm not sure but anywhere but TN would be nice.

Queen

I been down this road before.So I know the feeling when it comes.He makes me feel like a queen and im not even his girlfriend.and apparently there is more to it.

straight or curly

i love my hair.
but in the summer time when I just wana brush brush and go...its an issue because it's curly.everybody is always like you're so lucky to have hair like this and blah blah.thank you.but it's a hassle.I dont want to put anything in it just because I know that I'll probably regret it and I like when my hair is curly sometimes.and boy do I NOT have the patience to straighten it often.

and on top of everything I work out like everyday.so my hair would just be a....fro.*sigh*
this was completely pointless I was just thinking out loud i guess.here are some pictures.

OR.....

best friend but father and daughter.

being a daddy's girl and a pastor's kid and a regular teenager is hard...i love my daddy i just hate making him upset.i have nothing really to say today.

obsessed.

so my new latest obsession would be twitter.I made one last week even though for the longest i was being a rebel and didnt want one. So with out further or due follow tweeple....i love it.its fun and addicting. and even better...I dont even miss my facebook :D

http://twitter.com/savinia

lately

hmmm...So lately I've been feeling brand new. but like a good brand new.haha not that fake shit. not my style. But seriously i feel like a new savannah and that sounds so cheesy to say but oh well. I dont talk to that jerk that fucked my feelings with no care in the world. i actually got a new lil boo :) I will not expose his name sooo dont ask nosy people. but just know that i'm happy. i could just click my heels together. so emotionally im good actually great...yeah i still think about him everyday but its better to tell myself all the things he did to hurt me rather than think about our happy days.makes it worse if I do that.

Friends. Still the same. they're the best. point blank period.

school..........................................wtf? fuckin hate it.nuff said.lol

summer. WHERE the hell are you? seriously. I need summer to be here like now. I have soooo many things I need to do and want to do. I'm gonna be an emotional wreck this summer though because all my friends are going to college. man I dont even wana think about it.ugh but this summer I'm gonna cherish every moment with them. Even if they'll be like an hour away from me and some 8 hours away oh well :(

oh and lately i've got this mad obsession with wiz khalifa.love his music.speaking of music I need to take all this lovey dovey music off of here...those days are over.lol. dont want people to think i live in a love bubble.yuck...

fate?

weird that i just saw you and all my feelings came rushing from my fingertips to my heart. now that was weird.

prom

hahah oh the joy of prom. so this year I wasn't go at all. but William Gittens a mi iglesia asked me to go with him to his prom at Ensworth and I was like aiight.lol sooo here are some pictures from my phone...i'll put more from my camera later, im just really lazy. oh I love my dress and my flower I think i'll keep the flower tradition going :)

fb rehab

It's been like 2 weeks and a day since I de activated my facebook and honestly it's a bittersweet thing. I feel relieved since I don't need to be on there right now but at the same time I feel like im missing out.I'll just get back on when I feel like I've matured from this situation and when i'll be able to get on facebook and nothing will ever get to me.yafeelmeh?

so hard.

love.love.love.love.love.love her :D

mommy

So I've said this before that I'm a daddy's girl and I'm very proud of it.even when we bump heads. but this whole weekend my mother has been so supportive and I never knew that she would be like this for me. I know my mother loves me and is supportive but.....this time I just feel closer to her. I guess this is the part when the daughter starts to appreciate her mother after all the years of fighting and tears.


Sorry for the short posts.my mind is racing too fast for my fingers and it feels like I don't have much to say.

bleh

my heart hurts.
this makes me hate the fact that I fell in love.
im too young for this...

before you walk out my life

"Here we are face to face.

with memories that can't be erased

although we need each other

things have changed

it's not the same.

Sometimes it makes me wonder

where would I would I be

if you hadn't discovered which i did

Inside of me I know that there was something

that we could compare."

history

I remember the first time I told my daddy about you.(and so does he)

remember when we first met. (so Cliche)lol
remember when we were talking on aol instant msging and you asked for my number
remember when we first started talking and on you're 15th birthday,because I'm so shy, I didnt speak to you. so that night you told me i owed you and I stayed on the phone with you from 11 at night to 4 in the morning.
remember when you didnt have a cell phone and we talked on the house phone all the time.and when you finally got one i was like "why'd you have to get a number similar to mine?"lol.
remember when we went to the movies the first time.it was our first date and we "saw" casino royale ;)
remember when i first txtd you "i wuv you" after 8 months of talking and you were like " well i love you if that's what you're trying to say." and from then on it was "i love you" everyday :)
remember when we first kissed.and that feeling....aaahh
remember when you gave me that diamond necklace for our first christmas.
remember when I bout you ANOTHER yankees hat.
remember our first valentines day :)
but remember it was the first time you hurt me :( but that same night I was so in love that I forgave you.
rememeber when you first met my parents.hmmm cus I really dont.
remember when it was your 16th birthday I'm very sure and you wanted to hang with me but your cousins decided to come over too and you were PISSED.
remember all the times when you would call me and yell " I LOVE YOU" and then hang up.
remember when we couldn't go in your room.now that's the only place we go.
remember when it happened again :( and this time it took me longer to forgive you. but I couldn't help but take you back.
remember November 18, 2007
remember the first time we......lol I remember the whole setting of that night.
remember when this time it was my turn and I didn't know what to do with myself.
remember when you called me with your coach and the phone cus he was so happy you verbally commited
remember when we went to prom last year.
remember when you graduated and I didnt know what I would do without you.
remember this past summer when everything is almost perfect but we were slowing falling apart.
remember all the littles fights
remember the long nights
remember the day before I started school and we were no more. I sped home walked in the door and my parents were in the kitchen and I cried out "we broke up" and ran to my room.
remember when the truth came out and you hated me. what was I thinking.

that's when it all stopped and I knew you were DEFINITELY the one.after three years.
most of all.

remember that we have history.
remember that we've never fully learned to let go of each other.
remember that no matter how much we hurt and cry we love so much harder over anything else.
remember that you're my superman :)
remember that you're my first love
remember that you have my heart.
remember that I love you.

prom

prom should not be so stressful since i dont have a boyfriend.lol. I mean like seriously?!?

ok well maybe not stressful.na not the right word.

but it shouldnt be such a task just to think of the cutest and fun guy to take. *oh sigh* and I've been looking for a dress but dpt stores in Nashville are booty. So i'll just wait until I hit up NY in april (the weekend before prom) haha.

these have potential. i love the whole babydoll style. but im not quite sure about the poofy-ness.

and then for this one.i love the colors...eehh the dress is ok. I wish the back had a bit more spice to it.

i have decisions to make.im sooo picky.blah.

i feel like an airhead. I have thoughts but I don't know what to really speak on.

rain drops keep falling on my head

my favorite!!

So it's spring time and that means it's rainy season and I really want some rainboots. Everybody has them but I want these :) they're soooo kute.

my hero

If i could be one super hero.

it would definitely hands down be

SPIDERMAN.

so you know how you meet a new guy and like yall are on the "questions" stage of talking and the one question I get and always expect to get is..."what kind of guys do you like? or what do you look for in a guy?" aaahhh oh boy.

well to anwser the question...i like boys. not all and yes I can be picky but damn everybody got preferences I probably have more than others but oh well. but physically you (the boy) HAVE to be taller than me and not just like a inch taller than me, significantly taller than me. I'm kinda tall or so some people may say so and I like wearing heels so you put the two together and a short lil dude. ugh. how that look? no deal. plus i feel like tall and big or semi big guys, as in muscles not fat i have a huge fat-a-phobia and its bad so no fat dudes sorry, are the ones i feel "safe" around. and give the best hugs because they just hold you while you like suffocate in their arms. mmm ok leme stop. next.

ugh do looks matter? well duh!! hell everybody be like nah personality over looks.nah boo i bet you would not be walking round wit a negro that aint cute to you. so yes he has to be cute and carmel well not have to be but a good milk chocolate is just mmm mmm good to me. I LOVE smiles. aaahhh they make me melt. i wont go into detail but just know that "pannie droppa" smiles are a ++++ :)

pretty boy vs. thugs.

i honestly like them both. not even joking. but I wouldn't date a thug only lust over him. but I do not like the pretty boys that are waaaaaaay tooo sweet. ugh. I need somebody thats rough round the edges and put me in my place sometimes. not aggressive just...ugh iono the word.lol but yea.

and I really cant think of anything else but those are like the most haves when i first look at a guy.

personality: I love a guy who can keep me laughing but what girl doesnt.rite? but I like the corny crap. it makes me laugh at how cute the guy is trying to be. i love it. haha. and since I can be they shiest girl ever if i REALLY like you then I love guys who can just talk talk talk that gets me going and we can have a convo all damn day. believe that. and i dont like the usual convos like: "hey. wats up. how you doin. wat u doing. NO i hate those because they end like.....4 mins later. lets talk bout the most random thing you're thinking.tell me a joke. ask a question. make a face in the text message. because if you say wats good to me I will probably just put my phone down and wait for the next guy to entertain me. call me a bish but i'd have to disagree you're just boring and he isn't. but anywho...i like loyal and honest.PLEASE be real with me and let me know wat u thinking. i hate not knowing. so just tell me whatever it is. i dont mess with alot of people and for you to go off and lie to me is a NO NO. because you WILL get cut. I like anybody that can put up with my flaws. and can put up with my weirdness. because like i said im really shy at first but once you get to know me its way different.I want to know that you're going somewhere with your life, like you actually want to be successful and you're putting you're words into action. if you want to be something so BE IT, just dont sit around dreaming and waiting on your ticket to heaven. aint gone happen buddy! gotta earn that shit.

man this is alot. (and my fingers are getting tired I have a paper to write) but maybe i am too picky but whatever i like it this way :)

BFF

when it comes to question of who is my best friend.

I can truly say that I have two that are ALWAYS there for me.

Jalen and akilah are like my right hands.and whenever something is wrong or i have to tell them something right away they're always there.it creeps me out!lol not really i love it though. I do have one other friend that is ALWAYS there for me but i wudnt say we're best friends.we just hella tight,real good homies and nothing more or less. and all the other people i love to death but these two are the ones that know me the best. but anyway this past yr i lost one of my reeeeeeaaaalll good friends over some petty shit now that I look back on it and think about it. Actually it crosses my mind more often then when it first happened. but anyway she was like my left booty cheek.haha.no but im dead serious we spent like the whole entire summer together and we talked bout EVERYTHING and did EVERYTHING together and when we stopped talking I got lonely.ha. that's when I was reminded of how good of friends we were.

if i could take back time I'd take back the way I talked to her. I would've been more understanding. but hey i can't take back time I can just move on from now. I hope that we can pick things back up. maybe not where we ended but def shake it like the good ole days.

smh. damn vannah....aye ya live and ya learn shawty.

i just believe that all the mistakes i've made are truly motivating me to be a better person. real shit.

:]

oh.em.gee.

nuf said.....

patiently waiting

ok sooo maybe I am waiting for you but my plan is that you never find out that i am waiting. I hope you never find out that every time my phone vibrates in class, I close my eyes and say "please let this be him" until I run out of breath.and when I look and its not you....im bummed!

see it's apart of the "game" I cant look too needy because I'm afraid you will think im too clingy and thats NOT ME at all. it's just that I really LOVE talking to you. if I deleted all the other contacts in my phone, besides mama and daddy lol, I wouldn't care because just when we're texting I feel like it's just me and you. call me weird but im oh so serious.I enjoy your comapany :) so since im waiting and you might be waiting too, i'm just gonna wait and see how long you can go for. especially when you KNOW I HATE THIS :) it's what i like you do all the lil things that you know bother but some how i love that. something is seriously wrong with me.

so of course in the mean time i'll just keep waiting. or I'll just text you tomorrow.

djfiajfiofdgjig;j aaaahhhh breath and act like it aint nuin savannah....

wish list.

1. I want him and I want all of him [to myself.]

2. I want a prom date.like really bad.

3. I want something new in my life

4. I want to SHAKE IT summer '10

5.a tattoo

6. purple vans

7. space jams

8. my HUBBY

9. college

10. dance concert

11. a new car

12. more sperrys

13. a job

14. I want love to be my friend and not my friend[emy]

15. I want to give away some things that I have but others dont have.

16. I wana know and not be confused.

17. i want to exercise more, im getting lazy.

18. I want to do something I've never done before

19. I want SUMMER to hurry it's ass up!!!

20. I want to make the right choices as a teenage girl and not have to regret anything that I did.like i did.

is that too much to ask for?

i love.love.LOVE this. you can feel everything from every shot.

When I dance you see a side of me that you've never seen before. I just let all that's in me out into ever eight count and beat of the song. I just love it. it frees my mind whether im being goofy or im in a duet for dance concert. I just feel FREE with all my burdens left behind. I dont know its like explaining your love for somebody.just leaves me speechless.....

as soon as I saw this picture I could just feel her passion and the message of strength in this.

sex

So on my formspring (i don't know why I made one, but i did) some body asked how many people I've had sex with. So i answered, like im suppose to. and I simply said two.no names or anything.and of course people wanted to know who.but like I told them....if you know me, you should definitely know the first.and if you REALLY know me or him, you should definitely know the second one. So then I was asked yesterday and I quote:"Why would u answer that sex question when u know ur dad or anyone can see it? Does he know?" Ok so you know me...I take a double take like are you serious joe? double you tee eff.seriously?!?!

For those that know me.I'm a daddy's girl.and YES my daddy knows.actually both of my parents know that i'm not a virgin. My mother found out before my daddy, in a more peaceful way, but they definitely both know.and I'm actually happy that they know and I'm comfortable with them knowing because if something were to ever happen it wouldn't be their first time hearing that I smash.lol. I know yall be hearing the cast from Secret life " 90 percent of kids talk to their parents when they're pregnant. Don't wait! talk about it" whatever they say on there. but yes my parents found out and I didnt want to lie about it so I confessed and said yes.

and right after that question I got a question like....do you consider yourself a christian.and I hate that question because that's where the judging comes in because of my actions.please whoever thinks that you're not a christian because humans actually sin.....smack yourself!

I mean ok...I'm young, yes.but at the same time when the time came around....I was very safe about my decision.and I know that it isn't an excuse for me.but hey we gotta experience things some day and mine may have come earlier than others or later than others. I'm glad for my experience because I've learned that at times it could be making love or just having sex. and yes I've done both.dont judge me.but I did learned my lesson. Oh and i'm REALLY scary bout certain things. and when it comes to sex I try to be as safe as possible. like HOMIE DONT PLAY THAT scary.lol I just want all the lil girls that being fast now a days to CHIIIILLLLL out and if they get to that point in their life when they get that "itch" than just dont go act a ass and do everything that move. the last thing you wana be known by is "that girl" smh. because i do know one...

p.s. the condom is hilarious it should definitely just make you want to use one every time.

breezy

I'm sorry but I will never get over my love for him. he made me very furious with the situation between he and rihanna.but besides that fact this man is the apple of my eye.even though he talks funny.lol

and his new mixtape is like ON AND POPPIN.haha nah its really good though. it definitely has a side of chris that we've never heard. with his new swagg. oh em gee.I dig it times infinity!!

me

So most you know that my parents are pastors and my mom is an author,professor, vice president at abc, women's motivational speaker.....ok so she does a lot! I've gotten used to this lifestyle and at this point it doesn't really bother me that my mama travels all the time and works into the wee hours of the morning.and my daddy doesn't come home til late every night. I'm fine with it all...

the ONE thing that I haven't adjusted to is the public eye. O EM GEE. it's soooooo annoying how I have to watch my every move.because my daddy knows like half of nashville. or even on facebook when church members wana be my friend.NO. this is me, outside of church and I dont want you to judge me.they expect WAY TOO MUCH just because I'm a pk. and I hate that " Oh you a pk? man i hear them the nastiest ones..." um excuse me? really?like I mean really? ME? no deal. see there is where you are wrong....well when it comes to savannah Espinosa. You will NEVER catch my name in every dude mouth cus i "SMASHED THE HOMIE" ha.NO. I have soo many standards for myself that doing all that foolishness is not how I want my life to be. I have my fun yes...but i am not by any means a wild child that's doing all of nashville and lifting up my church skirt for every guy!!!UGH.

and church folk......I don't even know where to start. They are the NOSIEST people i know.like seriously. I thought high school girls were nosey. but boy was I wrong. I just dont want to ramble on about how much i DESPISE and HATE being judge. it's like my biggest pet peev you have no idea.

and it's something that I can't stop. people say dont do anything to have people talking.but in my case it feels like whatever I do.they'll NEVER stop.never.ugh.

A woman has amazing strengths. She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens. She smiles when she feels like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying. She cries when she's happy and laughs when she's afraid. Her love is unconditional. There is only one thing wrong with her. She forgets what she's worth!

"The pain of being afraid that your gonna get hurt is much worst than opening up & taking a risk."

valentines.

oh wow.so lately well bump that.i always think about him.like constantly...

it's called young love.puppy love...shit whatever you wana call it.IM IN IT.

it has taken over everything in me. I can't say that i havent felt this strong about a boy before but it just feels brand new to me when it comes to him. I feel like i've never been here before and thats why i'm still here fighting for him.crazy huh? I always find myself doing something completely out of savannah's box. feels weird at first but then i enjoy every moment of it.

valentines day is tomorrow and I dont really have one but in my heart he will be my valentine...we're slowly putting the puzzle back together :)

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

Take me back to the days when love was so pure and golden.

If not ever before I want it like its my greatest desire.

be my valentine?

On a side not friends are like the best bra for support.

the best toilet paper to wipe away all the shit in my life.

the sun to my rainy days.

I just appreciate the few that I do have because it aint often that they roll around and whole heartedly lend a shoulder to lean on whenever.

your real friends you dont have to talk to everyday.they'll come around two days after all your drama and still know every detail :)

me

when I saw you I was afraid to meet you, when I met you I was afraid to kiss you, when I kissed you I was afraid to ♥ you, now that I ♥ you, I'm afraid to lose you!

random

now here is a couple that i absolutely despise.with a strong passion.like who told them this was ok.

i love their relationship.minus the open part.they're so kute.

i have no clue wat it is.but i love rihanna.she is so frekin adorable.

ain it funny

ain it funny how we ignore the ones who adore us.

and then we end up saying things to hurt them and cant take it back.

im still on this long hunt for my remote to life or my poof button for my life.

i wish i could poof away certain things and rewind back to the days wen i wud only smile cus i was loved by him.but hey im not complaining at all right now he made me smile again for the first time in a long time today and it felt like i clicked my heels three times and was home again :) right back where i needed to be.its not 100 percent there.but i have faith.

anyways.....im out.

i asked for a dream not a nightmare

no.it really does kill me how much i really love you.

i wish it was easier than this to say bye....

and to you.i REALLY hope u aint done.and what i just witnessed was a joke!

i miss u like our summer days.when everything was like perfect!

ugh.LOVE.

its killin me.

IT'S MY BORNDAY :) woot woot.

go girl it's yea birthday.......

still a youngin.

not really excitedd bout bein 17

but I'll make the best of it because it only comes around once a year.

I've learned ALOT in the past year and will to continue

to learn and grow from it all.

THANK YOU GOD FOR ANOTHER YEAR :)

friends.

i love my friends so much.(the very few that i do have.)

my sus ashley.

my sister from another mister akilah

my love nia.

so im sitting here showing my mother my blog and what not.

and within a matter of seconds [to NO surprise] my daddy says

"savannah"

"yes" [knowing what he was about to say]

"come and wash these dishes"

me and my mama just bust out laughing because we both knew thats what he ALWAYS says :(

its like they don't understand that meaning of a DISH WASHER.We have one...oh and it's fairly new too. Somehow I seem to be the main source of washing dishes.WHY ME?!?!

i hate washing dishes.its like the WORST chore on the face of this earth.

“love builds up the broken wall

and straigtens the crooked path.

love keeps the stars in the firmament

and imposes rhythm on te ocean tides

each of us is created of it

and i suspect

each of us was created for it”

1. “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
2. “i can be changed by what happens to me. but i refuse to be reduced by it.”
3. “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
4. “If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.”
5. “everything has rhythm. everything dances.”

told by the great Maya Angelou

i always find myself eager to hear other people's story to relate to mine.

so i wont feel alone and know that I will make it....one way or another.

If you were a tear in my eye, I wouldn't cry for fear of losing you.

it started off with me just me saying he is just a friend.
then he was my boyfriend.
then my hubby.
then my bes friend.
then my everything.
now he's just my....



i fell for...
the smile
the smell [corny i kno]
the long talks
the kisses
the laughter
the corny jokes
the hugs
the randomness
the felt i got every time i would come around him
the comfort
the support
the realness
the 39849585 million stories he has to tell
the ambition he has

now i wonder.whats next?
or am i just thinking too much.
i should just....let it go?am i really ready for that?
i need answers to questions that keep running and racing in my mind
i hate being confused about love
at one time in my life i thought i had it all figured it out....

this is me.

hello there.people call me savannah.

about me:

im a girl

teenager

got a heavy heart [FULL] of love

my birfday is in nine days.

i love food

i love life.[just hate the struggles that come with it.]

i love music.

i love dance.

i love him.

see so much love already.

thats anough for now.im gonna find out how to work this thing.....

tootles!